May 20, 2022

When does a person become responsible?

My uncle visited me after many years. And this is the first time he tasted my home-cooked food. He was very appreciative and said, "romba nalla pannirukke" ("You have prepared well") after every meal. He was also pleasantly surprised to hear that I make all spice powders and staples at home. His perception of me was based on his earlier interactions with me as a child, a teenager, and a young adult. But I have changed a LOT in the past 10 years. As I was thinking about what changed in me, the answer that popped immediately was "taking on more responsibilities".

I have always been a responsible person with respect to my studies and career, but on health, family, cooking, and other home-related aspects, it started only after D was born.

When does a person become responsible?

"Responsibility comes automatically when there are no alternatives/options".

I expected a few people from my family to support/guide me when I had just delivered D. But I ended up disappointed when I didn't get the help I needed. Some of the comments and behaviors left such a deep scar, that even after 10 years, the pent-up feelings and unresolved emotions make me more resentful towards them.

Resentment affects my emotional state and it does not affect the other parties in any way. I wanted to get rid of this resentment for the sake of my mental peace and move on. My feeling brain understands this but my thinking brain wants a logical explanation to connect the dots. And I think I finally found a convincing answer.

As I didn't get the support that I expected, I didn't have any other alternative but to make myself responsible and independent in those areas that were new to me - raising a child, planning and cooking meals, managing home and kitchen, taking care of my health.

IF I had gotten the support from other family members, I may not have learned or gotten the hands-on experience in these areas. I might have blindly trusted the parenting ways that others advocated without questioning them. I might not have prioritized working on these responsibilities. I may not have developed an interest and passion for food, nutrition, and wellness.

I now feel grateful to them for NOT providing any alternatives at that point, that helped me become more responsible. I could now feel my resentment and grudge having faded. Everything happens for a reason. Every person comes into our lives for a reason.

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