Dec 14, 2022

She isn't a candle

Disclaimer: The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this post are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased) is intended or should be inferred. 

A mother can fulfill her dreams, support her children in their formative years and spend time with her grandchildren in her later years ONLY IF the father (her husband) grows up to be an adult.

In many families, especially in the previous generations, the husband continues to be a man-child, expecting that his wife hands him every little thing that he needs - be it his morning cup of coffee, stapler, electricity bill file, dinner plate, a glass of Horlicks, etc.

Initially, out of love, the wife might be happy to play this role, but over time, as her responsibilities increase, the sense of resentment and anger creeps in when she notices an unequal labor divide at home.

The husband comes home after work at 5 PM, plonks himself in front of the TV, and orders coffee and snacks.

The husband retires at the age of 60, plonks himself in front of the TV, and expects that dinner to be served on time.

Being a homemaker, the wife (She) continues the same routine day in and day out without any break.

During her 30s and 40s, She might still have the energy to sustain the demands of managing a home with a man-child and growing teen kids.

She might grudgingly continue the routine, of living with a man-child for nearly 2 decades.

As She enters her 50s and 60s, She realizes that many health issues have started to knock on her door, due to a lack of self-care.

The husband influences the food preferences at home and She has no say in it.

His post-retirement plans take precedence and She has no say in it.

As her husband gets diagnosed with health issues, managing his ailments becomes her #1 priority.

He becomes even more of a man-child, seeking constant attention.

In the list of things she hands over to him, she now adds a set of pills too, for managing his diabetes, BP, and more.

It is of least concern to him when She also gets diagnosed with the same ailments.

Grandchildren arrive amidst this saga. Though her heart yearns to spend time with them, the man-child doesn't give her the time and space. He becomes even more clingy.

Out of the blue, comes a virus that takes her life all of a sudden. Perhaps, it isn't the virus that caused her lungs to collapse. Rather it is the suffocation she faced for years.

The man-child mourns for a few days but returns to his normal, post-retirement regimen. Life has now given him three choices:

  • Start to grow up at least now in your mid-70s and brew yourself that cup of coffee
  • Expect your family members (DIL or Son) to continue to "hand-over-things" to you
  • Hire a 24*7 help who would continue to do the same "handing-over-things" duty as your wife

A story that I felt like sharing today.

Blog Archive

All contents copyrighted by Anuradha Sridharan, 2023. Don't copy without giving credits. Powered by Blogger.